


The Good News

by greasersam



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, Smoking, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-08 12:12:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greasersam/pseuds/greasersam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the only thing more inevitable than change is Jared fucking Padalecki</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"I can't believe I'm fucking here." Jared said once the bartender handed him a beer. He looked over to Misha with a glare.

"Nah, you won't be fucking him here, maybe in a few weeks at his apartment, though." He grinned.

"What's his name, again?" Jared asked. Misha had said he wanted to keep it a secret because he thinks Jared would leave, but his mind was set on getting the name.

"Ah, ah, big guy. He'll tell you that when he gets here. Don't worry, Amy says Matt's known him since like 11th grade and he's a great guy. Actually, Osric told me he met him once and he's really cool, I guess. Oh! And Genevieve met him in college when she met Matt. They all like him, so." Misha patted his back and stumbled a little because he had one too many drinks. 

"You're going to have to wait in the car for me. I'm not letting you drive home like this. Osric would have a fit and you know it." Jared gave him a stern look and Misha nodded reluctantly. 

When Misha was gone, Jared found himself listening again. It wasn't like it was anything bad, or anything that could mess with him. But whenever he was nervous, his ears seemed to pick up on everything. From glasses and dishes clinking, to friends laughing or the bell on the door, and right now, it was the sound of someone wiping the bottoms of their shoes on the mat in front of the door. So far, tonight, he was the only one who'd done so. It had just gotten done raining and it was muddy outside, so why not be considerate and wipe your feet? And he had, and he'd wondered if anyone else would tonight. And he looked over to the door, and there he was. The guy Misha set him up with. He'd seen a picture on Amy's phone two days ago. He flashed a small smile at Jared as he walked over to him. "You must be..."

"Jared Padalecki. And you are?" Jared looked at him softly, and Jensen couldn't help stare at his eyes for a second longer than normal. 

"I'm Jensen Ackles." He sat down and ordered himself a beer. 

"Your parents, do they hate you?" Jared teased with a big, goofy grin. 

"Oh come on! Your last name is Padalecki!" Jensen started to laugh. Jared ran his tongue over his teeth as he gave an amused look to Jensen.

 

"So, you work in a coffee shop? And I work in a book store, god, it's like we were made to fall in love." Jared laughed when he said, but he kind of meant it, and that was good because Jensen kind of hoped he did. And small talk like this went on for the next 15 minutes.

 

"Yeah, okay, Jenny." And Jared felt like he'd known this guy for years, like he was someone he could be comfortable with. 

"I'm gonna get you for that one!" Jensen chuckled and then his smile kind of softened and he really looked at Jared. I mean, he  _really_ looked at him. It was like he was noticing every single detail. Which is what Jared had done when Jensen first walked in. "So, what do you want to do now? Because, I mean, getting drunk on the first date probably isn't such a good idea."

"I'll bet that you've tested that theory." Jared smirked. Jensen scrunched his mouth into a side smile and his eyebrows shot up. 

"Yeah, I have. Nightmare. I mean it. Hell, the girl showed me her tramp stamp of a dolphin on top of a rainbow. Total cliché. My date from hell. Then again, it changes." He laughed and bit the inside of his cheek gently, which made his lips go into a pucker, kind of taking Jared by surprise. He didn't think they'd be kissing at least until the second date. But, he went for it anyways. He pecked Jensen's lips quickly, making Jensen's eyes go wide. "Oh, you thought I wanted you t-"

"You  _didn't_? I'm sorry- shit, I thought- um." Jared gulped and found himself downing the rest of his beer. So this would be Jensen's new date from hell. Great. 

"No, it's okay. It was- I mean, I'd like to do that again with you sometime." Jensen smiled softly as he blushed. "Do you want to get out of here? It's kind of noisy." And 'kind of' was an understatement. It was nice, earlier. Dishing clinking and people chatting. And the occasional 'that-laugh-sure-is-loud.' But it hadn't bothered Jared. In fact, he kind of liked the sounds. It made him feel connecting to everything and everyone all at once. It made him feel away. And when he had spent that half-hour in that bar with Jensen, he noticed that every once in a while, he'd close his eyes and smile. Like he was listening. And it was beautiful. But now, almost everyone in the place was drunk out of their mind and it was loud and the people next to them were obnoxious.

"Yeah...shit, no, I can't. I mean, I can, but Misha is in my car sleeping because he got drunk as hell, and his boyfriend would kill me if I let him drive home." He rubbed his forehead as they walked out.

"Well,  we can't leave him here like I planned." They laughed. "And you're kind of my ride because Amy totally left me here." Jensen is biting his bottom lip and staring at Jared, kind of hoping they could get Misha home and still feel whatever it was that was going on between them. "I was hoping we could hang out more, but if not, that's totally okay, we can save that for the second date. Jesus, I mean, if you want to go on a second date with me?" Jensen's cheeks were turning pink by now and he was staring at the ground because god, this guy is hot and made him clumsy and act like a 15 year old girl. 

"I friggin' kissed you in there.” Jared smiled at Jensen.” I was wondering if you wanted to drop Misha off and then go to this park I think you'll like."

"That sounds pretty rape-y, but I trust you." He said with a childish grin. 

"Wow, that was incredibly rape-y, I apologize." Jared laughed lightly. 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

They had dropped Misha off at his apartment, said their goodbyes, and got to this park. And this park is so beautiful. With all the greens and all the silence and the way the moon looks on the swings. And to Jared, this was home. Not literally, of course. But he'd been here all the time since he was a teenager. And to Jensen, this was just getting to know more about Jared. "Where've you been?" Jared asked when they started to swing back and forth on the swings. Jensen looked at him in confusion.

"I've been right here with you the whole time," He said. It was almost poetic, but had too much confusion in it to be. 

Jared smiled. "No, I mean, where've you been in the world? Like, where've you traveled? What have you done?"

Jensen breathed in. It smelled like trees and air and the sky and Jared. It was nice. "I've been to New York. I've been to California. To Oklahoma. But I've never, not once seen somewhere more beautiful than Maryland. I mean, god, from the way the trees look against the sky, to the delicacy of the lights going on at night- it's breathtaking and wonderful. And when it snows it's stunning." And by now Jensen's talking with so much awe in his voice, and love in his eyes and Jared's feeling like he could fall in love with him right then and there, because there's nothing more beautiful than the way someone gets when they talk about the things they love. Like the little smiles they give, and the way their eyes flicker while they're talking about a certain thing, and the way they get a little embarrassed when they realize how they've been talking. And that's how Jensen gets, and he chuckles a little but then he looks at Jared and then at the trees and then seemingly nowhere. "So, in conclusion to my five thousand worded essay, I've never been anywhere more beautiful than Maryland. But today I met  _someone_ more beautiful." And he looks up at Jared again but doesn't get to get a good look at him because Jared is standing up and leaning over, and he grabs Jensen's face in his hands and by then he’s kissing him, and Jensen can't think anything because he's letting himself fall into it, but all Jared can think about is how he wishes it was their first kiss. And it's almost heartbreaking when it ends. " _Jesus,_ "

Jared still has Jensen's face in his hands and they're both smiling and Jensen reaches his hands up around Jared's waist and pulls him closer by the belt loops on his pants and then they're kissing again and they want to take it somewhere but aren't quite sure where. "Do you wanna- do you wanna..."

Jensen bit down on his bottom lip for a while before getting to answer Jared. "I had fun with you tonight,"

"I had fun with you, too." Jared has his chin resting on top of Jensen's head because he's hugging him from behind now. And Jensen felt kind of small but remembered how big Jared is and that he was still sitting in a swing. "We probably shouldn't do anything tonight, though. Can I take you home?" 

Jensen breathed. He liked Jared. God, he liked Jared. "Do you wanna watch a movie with me?" and immediately after he asked, he started to laugh. That's probably the worst thing he's said to ever get someone to spend more time with him. 

"Don't laugh! It's okay," Jared said with a grin on his face. "But, like, when? Now?"

"Yeah.. If you can, or if you want. Maybe we shouldn't-"

"No, I'd love to. What did you have in mind?"

"Have you ever seen  _On The_   _Road_?" Jensen smiled widely. That was his favorite movie in the whole world. Adventure, the world, and the road. What more could he ask for?

Jared puckered his lips to the side. "Nah, but I've read a novel called On The Road. Maybe it's the same one-"

"Dean- Dean Moriarity? Sal-"

"Yeah, yeah! That's the one. I didn't know they made a movie about it." Jared is so ecstatic because it's his favorite book. And his childish grin peeks out and Jensen smiles and kisses it over with his. "I like kissin' you." Jared says with his forehead against Jensen's.

"C'mon, sleepyhead. Let's go back to my place." Jensen said. He had had to drive because Jared wouldn't listen to his directions. "Alright, if I was going to die tonight, what would be the one thing you'd tell me or ask me before I did?" 

Jared put a thoughtful look on his face. " _What. Team."_

 _  
_Jensen laughed a little. This was actually something Amy went around laughing about. Jesus, they were all in their thirties and twenties and this was still hilarious to them. "WILDCATS." Jensen laughed and their was crinkles at the sides of his eyes and Jared couldn't stop staring at them with the kindest smile on his face, and he laughed a little too, but god, Jensen was beautiful. "What?" he asked when he noticed Jared. They had parked outside of Jensen's apartment and gave distant smiles to each other.

"You're beautiful." Jared breathed.

"Boys aren't supposed to be beautiful," Jensen said, repeating some motherfucker from highschool.

"You're  _damn_  beautiful." Jared said and Jensen reached for his collar and pulled him close enough for a kiss but instead just takes the view in.

"Let's go inside, yeah?" Jensen shook himself back and got off the car, followed by Jared.

"Nice place," Jared said, acknowledging the fact that his apartment was on the next street. 

"I don't really like it. The old man who lives next to me doesn't like that I mostly bring guys over every night." Jensen said without thinking. And then turned to Jared who had a sort of annoyed look on his face.

"It's pretty late." Jared said. It was actually 11 P.M. and he was pretty tired. "Maybe I'll get going,"

Jensen knew what he said was a valid reason to _not_ want to stay with him. "Yeah, okay, can I at least take you home?"

Jared was suddenly uncomfortable and sad and wanted to go. "No- no, my place is pretty close. I can walk."

"Jared," Jensen said, taking a step closer which made Jared tense up. "It's 11 o'clock at night, you can't walk these streets."

"I've done it before, I'll be fine. Besides, it's Maryland." He said and turned around and then he started walking until he was in front of his bed inside his apartment and then he wanted to call Jensen to tell him he got home safe. And by then, he realized that he hadn't had his number. So he put his hoodie on again and walked until he was at the desk in the lobby asking to call him down. "Jensen? Um, Ackles. He lives here. Or he said he did." Jared shrugged, he basically didn't give a shit that he was in pajama pants and an unzipped sweater with nothing under. 

"I'm not really allowed to give-"

"I don't think I asked for that," he looked at her name tag. "Barbara. Nah, that doesn't sound right. I'm gonna call ya Barbs. That cool with you? Okay, great. Look," he said. He generally wasn't an asshole most of the time. But he was confident and he wasn't shy, ever. So whenever he had to act like this, he did. It's why most of the girls he works with at the book store are all over him all of the time. He was too nice and too kind and everyone wanted to be around him all of the time, but whenever he needed to, he was a complete dick. This is why Amy thought he and Jensen would get along great, they were exactly the same. Confident, handsome, outgoing, hard-headed, beautiful in everything they do, so on and so on. "I need to see him. It's serious. Life or death serious, Barbs. You wouldn't want to be the reason he hears about this last, would you?"

"Of course not, Jensen's a great guy!" She said and gave him Jensen's room number. 

"Thanks." He gave her a you-couldve-done-better-but-whatever smile and took the elevator to the 6th floor and walked to room 56. He knocked on the door and waited until Jensen answered it. "Hey."

"Hi?" Jensen said. He had boxer-briefs on and no shirt and Jared felt his cock twitch while he stepped inside without an invitation. "Can I help you with something?"

"So I made it home safely and I thought I should let you know, but you didn't give me your number so I came to get it." Jared was feeling playful and confident more than ever as he laid himself on Jensen's bed and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. "So you gonna get it for me?" 

Jensen played along. Jared looked insanely hot on his bed but he knew they weren't going to do anything tonight. Or any night, probably. "Where do you want it?" Jensen bowed his head a little but continued his eyecontact with Jared. He walked to Jared with a pin and thottled Jared's lap. "Let me see your hand."

Jared was getting an erection now and he was trying hard not to rock his his groin into Jensen's. So, he did give Jensen his hand, except he laid it on top of his bulge which made Jensen rock into Jared and let out a small moan before he wrote his number down on his hand. Jared licked and then bit his bottom lip, moving his hands to Jensen's hipbones and Jensen totally fell for it, but then Jared flipped him over on the bed and got up. "So I'll call you." He looked back at Jensen who was smiling and then left.

* * *

 "So he came over last night. Sorta." Jensen grinned at Matt when Amy walked in. 

"What the hell does 'sorta' mean? I need details, Jensen!" Amy said when she sat beside him on the couch.

"Well, we got to the hotel I'm staying in and he got all weird because I brought up the fact that I bring a lot of people over-"

"You didn't! Jensen, you didn't!" Matt's eyes widened as he shouted and to be even more dramatic, he picked himself up off the couch and folded his arms behind his head and locked his fingers together.  _"Jensen!"_

"Shut up, you've done it like twice before. Once in bed." Amy rolled her eyes.

"Jesus."

"You need him."

"When did this-"

"AS I WAS SAYING. It was awkward and he left and I went upstairs and like an hour and a half later, when I've changed into just boxer-briefs, there's a knock on my door. So I answer it, and it's him. Right away, he acts like this smooth motherfucker, so I act the same way. So he ends up going on about how he didn't get my number, and then he fuckin' sprawls himself out on my bed and so I'm like, 'alright, two can play at this game' you know? So I get a pen, and I go and climb on top of the bed and I end up throttling him and so my cock- wait, wait, wait, let me tell you that he only has on these thin ass pajama pants on and a hoodie with nothing under- where was I? Oh, right okay, so my cock is against his cock and we're basically just grinding into each other at this point and he's hard and I'm hard by the time I ask for his hand to write the number on, and he rests it on top of my bulge and my dick twitches at that and I'm just craving more of this fucking guy and then when I'm done writing the number, he fucking switches positions with me in a swift mood and then he just leaves and I've got this dumb smile on my face because I realized I  _really_  fucking like him. Plus, he's got a great body for being thirty one. Plus, I'm 35, and I really need someone like him. Holy shit, we're all getting old. 2014. Holy shit. Okay, wait, what, Matt you were about to say something."

"Yeah, I'm not gay but I have to admit I'm pretty turned on at this particular story of yous." Matt shrugs and looks down like he's rethinking his life choices.

"You're bi, despite what you might say." He says to Matt when Amy gets up for something to drink.

"What makes you say that?" Matt scoots closer to him and makes kiss-y noises. 

"Senior year, in high school."

"I have no idea what you're-"

"Ty. You, Ty, and me. It was two weeks before we were gonna graduate and we were all in my old impala and we were looking at the fog and sitting on the top of the roof." Matt shook his head. "Seriously? We were messing around and I ended up throttling you and we started making out and you got a boner so hard it was hilarious. Then I got one and then we let Ty get in on it."

"Oh shit, yeah." Matt said with an embarrassed face but excited grin. "We were making out and you were jacking me off, I was fisting Ty and Ty- holy shit, he was giving you a blow job!" They started to laugh and shake their heads.

"It was good, though. I was actually really into you since I got to know you really good."

"Yeah? Y'know, I was gonna ask you out that month. And then Ty told me he liked you and it was so fucked up and then I met Amy and you dated other people and Ty moved and it was bullshit! But I got over you... eventually." He let out a soft chuckle.

"I used to like Ty, too. In college, though. Then he went back to Chicago and it wasn't worth it and then I made new friends and yeah, you know."

"I get you. I don't know how time went by so fast."

"Me either." Amy said when she came back in. "By the way, Misha and Osric are coming by in a while, Jen, so you can meet them."

"I sort of met Misha last night."

"Was he drunk?"

"Yeah, but Jared told me it's because of whatever's going on with Osric." Jensen had a sympathetic look on his face. 

"Don't think Osric's like a bad guy or anything." Amy started. "Misha's a lot older than Osric, you know? So he feels like girls and guys are always better than him in Osric's eyes, but Osric loves him so much, really. It's just the insecurities that make him drink, y'know?"

Jensen nodded. "So, does he need, like, help for it?"

"We've tried before, but-" just then, their doorbell rang. This was the first time Jensen had heard a doorbell in an actualy house since forever ago. 

"That must be them." Matt smiled and got up to open the door. And surely enough, it was.


	2. Chapter 2

"Misha!" Matt grinned when he opened the door. "Osric!" 

The three embraced in hugs. "Hey," Misha pointed at Jensen when they were done hugging. "I met you last night! You're Jensen, right? Shit, I got an earful from Jared this morning." 

Jensen blushed and took a drink of his water. "It's nice to meet officially meet you two." Jensen stood up and shook hands with both Misha and Osric.

"Jared said you were kind of short but I don't see it." Osric looked up at him. "Then again, he's a goddamned giant." 

"He'll be here soon with Genevieve, actually."

"Genevieve?" Jensen asked, trying to keep the jealousy down in his voice with failure. 

"Oh, don't worry. She's just a friend of us all. And she has a new girlfriend, Dani, who she met through Jared. We're all a group, by the way. I don't know why we haven't met you before, though. I mean, I know you, Matt, and Amy hang out all the time, but it's usually Gen, Jared, Osric, Amy, Matt, Julie, and I. So you and Dani are kind of new to the group, but don't worry. We're not like highschool fucks or anything like that. We're all kind of assholes though." Misha grinned. Osric hit him on the arm before he disappeared into the kitchen.

"Don't worry about Misha, he's weird as hell but you learn to love him. Plus, he's got this thing about trying to make us a cliche." Osric laughed. "You'll fit in fine, don't worry."

Jensen smiled and followed into the kitchen. He already felt accepted by these people, so all he had to do was make a good impression on... Genevieve, Dani, and... Julie, right. Okay, he had this. 

"So, Jensen, what do you do for a living?" Misha said as he shoved two chips in his mouth.

"I'm the manager at a coffee shop. It's small but it gets a lot of customers and it has good pay." Everyone nodded and then Amy's phone rung so she picked it up and walked into the laundry room.

When she walked out, she was smiling and looking directly at Jensen. "Jared's coming. And, um, Genevieve. We weren't sure if we wanted Danneel over yet since we all like Jensen so much, but Gen ended up calling her and inviting her for dinner."  _Who the hell is Danneel?_ Jensen asked himself before mentally rolling his eyes at himself.  _Danneel is Dani. Right, okay, right._

"Julie isn't coming? I thought everyone was coming to meet Jensen." Misha furrowed his eyebrows.

"Yeah, she'll be here before dinner. Which, come on, you have to help me with." Amy smiled at Matt. Matt groaned but started to help with a smile. It was cute, the way he just liked being with her, whatever they were doing.

 

Jensen smiled widely when there was a knock on the door, so he told everyone he'd answer it. And when he did, he couldn't help but smile when Jared's face lit up at the sight of Jensen. "Hi," Jensen said, eyes locked with Jared's so that he barely noticed Gen behind him.

"Hey," Jared said, smile just as happy. He walked inside and locked his hand with Jensen's without thinking.

"Jensen." Gen smiled and put her hand out. Jensen let go of Jared's hand to shake it and then looped his fingers with Jared's again. 

"Genevieve, hey. I guess you remember me." 

Gen nodded. "Everyone calls me Gen, now, though. I hear they call you Jen, so let's see how this plays out." She laughed along with Jensen and Jared.

The three walked into the kitchen with smiled on their faces. "Gen, thank God!" Amy exclaimed. "Matt is doing a terrible job, will you please help me with dinner?"

"Matt helping with dinner? Man, that's a sight." Jared laughed before he and Gen gave him and everyone else a hug.

"Shut up, Padalecki." Matt shoved him a little, and Jared shoved back and they were both the floor laughing and play-fighting along with Misha before they knew it. 

"They're idiots." Osric grinned when he and Jensen sat down at the table.

"Osric, two days ago you were right there doing the same thing with Misha." Gen laughed with Amy.

"That was different, I was horny." Osric grinned. 

"How long have you two been together?" Jensen asked when he was done laughing. 

"A year and a half. I met him through Julie, actually. We've all been friends for so long it's hard to remember how we all met, y'know?"

Jensen smiled. "Yeah. This is what I know, though: Matt and I met in high school, and we met our friend Ty. Then Ty moved so Matt and I went to the same college where we met Amy. Amy and Matt started to date when Amy and Gen became best friends. They tried setting me and Gen up but we ended up only meeting once and not hitting it off romantically. Then Matt met Jared through work two years ago and always wanted me to meet him, but I never did. And then Jared met Julie and they became friends and introduced her to the group. And then Julie and Misha had a one-night stand but ended up becoming best friends. And she was best friends with you, so she introduced you to Misha and y'all hit it off so you got into the group, too. And then Gen just recently met Dani at a cafe but she hasn't been introduced to the group yet. And today, I'm being... accepted into the group...? But later tonight, Danneel is coming to meet the group, too."

"Right! You catch on fast." Osric smiled. "See, I didn't even know all of that." They were laughing when Misha and Matt came and sat with them because Jared had to pee. 

"Jensen, please stop hitting on my boyfriend." Misha smiled and tackled Osric with a kiss.

"Fine, but only because I'm hoping mine will come over here soon." Jensen blushed. Did he really just call Jared his boyfriend?

"So you two are like, exclusive now?" Amy grinned.

"I mean, we haven't talked about it, but with what happened last night, I was sort of hoping so."

"What were you hoping for, Ackles?" Jared came and sat next to him, letting his hand rest on Jensen's thigh. 

"He was hoping-" Misha started.

"That your group would like me." Jensen cut him off.

"Aw, 'course they do. Right, y'all?" Jared smiled widely. 

"We sure do. So don't mess this up, Jared." Osric joked.

"So are you two, like, boyfriends?" Misha grinned at Jensen as he blushed. He knew Misha wasn't bullying him or anything, he knew Jensen really did want to know.

Jared's hand suddenly left Jensen's thigh. "Dunno. Hey, when's Julie coming?" Jared quickly changed the subject, making Jensen's stomach drop and you could see the sympathy on everyone else's face. 

"Right before dinner." Gen quickly replied. Jensen looked down anytime someone wasn't talking to him.

 

Jared had basically avoided him for the next hour. He hadn't sat next to him or asked him anything or interacted with him at all. Until Jared walked outside and came back in only to ask Jensen to join him. And of course Jensen did.

So, the group all opened the window as quietly as they could and sat next to it, completely nonchalantly.

"What's up?" Jensen asked, leaning against the wooden pole-thing on the porch.

Jared kind of tried to hide his smile since he was smoking a cigarette, but ended up putting it out and getting really close to Jensen's face. He smiled again before he kissed him gently. Jensen reached his hands up and his fingers practically disappeared inside of Jared's hair while Jared moved his hands down to Jensen's hips and pulled his body even closer. It wasn't their first kiss but they were right there in heaven like they were during their first one. "Do you wanna be my boyfriend?"

"I thought you'd never ask, dork." Jensen smiled widely before Jared took his hand again and led him inside. They laughed because they totally heard everyone else run back to their places in the kitchen. 

"Well, Jensen, I'd tell them the big news but they already heard it." 

"Hmm," Jensen put his finger to his mouth dramatically. "I wonder what makes you say that."

Amy was the first to throw her hands up in a playful surrender. The rest followed until they were making fake kiss-y noises at them. "I'm gonna punch everyone, I will do it, don't test me." Jared was laughing when there was a knock on the door. "Either Julie or Danneel, let's see what sassy-ass redhead gets here first."

"No way it's Julie, she's always late." Matt shook his head. 

"Dani takes forever to get ready." Gen said.

"Let's bet on it." Osric said.

"I'm surprised you're not addicted to gambling." Misha said to Osric before he kissed him.

"I think it'll be Julie." Jared said as he walked to the door. The people in the kitchen couldn't see the door, so it'd be a surprise to everyone. Meanwhile, Jared was introducing himself to Danneel. "You must be Danneel. You're as beautiful as Gen said you are!" He grinned. She blushed because Jared had that affect on people.

"God, really? Thank you!" She smiled. "You must be Jared. You look like a large puppy dog. Plus, you're handsome and tall, so yeah. I'm willing to be you're Jared."

"You would've won the bet, yeah, hi. You look like you hang out with a lot of good looking people. Which is why you're here, Dani." They laughed as they walked into the kitchen.

"Danneeeeeeeeeel!" Gen went to her and looped her arms around her neck as they kissed. Jensen smiled, they really looked cute together.

"Hi. Hi, everyone." Danneel smiled. 

Misha was the first to get up and walk to her. "I'm Misha. Nice to meet you." he smiled and shook her hand as Osric walked up and did the same. Everyone basically lined up to meet her. Jared sat down since he already had, but Jensen was right behind Matt and Amy. As soon as everyone was acquainted with each other, Danneel sat down with everyone at the table while Gen and Amy still cooked things. 

"Do you prefer being called Dani or Danneel?" Jensen asked. Jared smiled. He kinda thought Jensen was shy, but he made friends quickly. He rested his hand on Jensen's thigh and Jensen intertwined their fingers together.

"Well, my mom started calling me Dani when I was fifteen, but I didn't really like it until I turned twenty, but I've always really loved my full name, so either is fine, really." She smiled. Jensen nodded.

"I like Dani, better, I think." Matt admitted. 

"So is this everyone, babe?" Dani looked back at Gen. 

"No, actually. We're still waiting on our friend Julie." 

"Is she as gorgeous as everyone else here?" Dani grinned at everyone.

"She actually really is." Amy answered. They were all getting along so great, that Jensen forgot anyone was new or barely meeting.

 

By the time dinner was actually ready, Julie got there. 

 

"Well, I guess I won't be able to be the only hot redhead in a room with this gal around anymore," She said in an almost-annoyed tone, but smiled anyways. Her eyes flicked from her to Gen who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Oh, you've got nothing on me!" Dani smiled and waited until Julie said something, but she didn't. "It was nice to meet you."

"Yeah, yeah, you too." Julie eyes seemed to look at everyone but Dani as she walked back to the kitchen table. She waved to everyone else as Jensen got up to meet her. "Shit, kid, Matt wasn't kidding when he told me how hot you are. I'm just confused about why we're all barely meeting you."

"As am I," Jensen playfully scowled at Matt who was laughing and shrugging. "It's nice to meet you, though.

"Yeah, you too. I can tell that you already get along great with everyone. That's so good. I thought everyone was going to hate me in this group, but no. They're all secretly in love with me." She dramatically sighed.

"Speak for the girls only, please." Misha joked and laughed when Gen and Amy flipped him off.

"Oh, Jared, tell Julie the big news."

"Ooooh, big news? I love it, tell me." She said as she sat down next to Osric. 

"Uh, Jensen's my boyfriend now." He smiled and sat back down next to his boyfriend.

She gasped and clasped her hands together. "That's so cute. Y'know, I'm just starting to wonder why all of my friends are gay and together. Do you guys have orgys without me? Just be honest, c'mon." 

"That reminds me, Jensen! Ty called a little before you got here and guess who's getting transfered back over here?"

"Holy shit, no way! I haven't seen that fucker since after we graduated college." Jensen chuckled in disbelief.

"Yeah, I know. We could totally hook him and Julie up." Matt smiled.

"Alright, enough about sex and couples already!" Gen smiled as she and Amy put everything on the table.

"God, it looks great guys." Jensen smiled.

"I'm already liking him better than all of you. Except Dani, of course." Gen grinned at her girlfriend and kissed her quickly.

They all ate and made small talk at the table. Jensen felt so welcomed and he and Dani had become great friends by the end of the night even though he made really good friends with all the others, too and was relieved when Danneel said she felt the same way. Gen and Dani had left with Misha and Osric after Julie had left and after dinner but Jensen and Jared had stood because Amy and Matt wanted to talk with them.

 

"Okay, so you have to swear you wont tell anyone this." Amy said. She was  _literally_ sitting on the edge of her seat. 

"Okay."

"Swear."

"So Dani seems great, right?"

"Yeah, she's so sweet." Jensen smiled.

Jared nodded. "Yeah, so nice. Gen wasn't kidding when she talked her up."

"That's exactly why me and Matt are so shocked about this. Before Gen left, she pulled me outside and she looked like she was gonna cry and shit, so I'm like, 'are you pregnant, or what's going on?' and she laughs and shakes her head and she goes, 'I've been cheating on Dani. With Julie. And it's all so fucked up because I'm really starting to like Julie but I like Dani, too.' And apparently Julie wants her to leave Dani or whatever."

"But she broke it off with Julie instead, right?" Jensen asked. 

"I don't know- I mean, Julie's has always liked guys only, I don't know what Gen thinks will happen." Matt pitched in. "I'm sure it won't go on for very long, but still. We all really liked Danneel tonight."

"So did we." Jensen shrugged. "Anyways, it's getting late, we should go. Jared?"

"Yeah, yeah. I have work tomorrow."

"Okay, text us when you get home safely."

"Will do." Jensen said as they threw on their coats. 

"Alright, thanks for having us." Jared smiled and hugged Amy and Matt before Jensen did the same.

"Drive carefully, Jensen." Matt warned. 

"Yeah, yeah." Jensen laughed.

Jensen and Jared walked to Jensen's car and climbed inside. "I thought it'd be warmer tonight."

"Yeah, me too." Jensen shrugged as he exited the front yard onto the street.

"So I think everything went well tonight." Jared smiled.

"Yeah?" Jared nodded. "Good, that's- good." Jensen said, his breath getting a little quicker. He liked Jared, sure, but he really didn't know if he ever wanted to be someone who was gonna settle down. "Jared?"

"Yeah?" Jared looked at him so fondly and Jensen felt nervous suddenly.

"You know- I mean- I shouldn't have said yes." He felt so out of breath that he pulled over at the side of the road. Then he felt okay because it was so beautiful. There was knee-high grass and purple flowers that he'd never seen before and the sun had just gone down and it was so beautiful. 

"To what? Being my boyfriend?" Jared looked at him.

"Yeah. I mean, I like you-" Jensen felt trapped again and opened his door and practically fell out of the car while he got out. Then Jared met him out there on the driver side. "I like you, Jared. But this can't go anywhere- I'm gonna end up hurting you. Or you're gonna end up hurting me so it's best we agree it's not serious." Jensen runs a hand over his face and Jared isn't looking at him.

"Okay. Whatever, Jensen. Whatever you want. Just... okay."

Jensen met his eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry." 

"No, it's okay. Let's just- let's just go back to my place." Jared half smiled and took Jensen's hand.

"Yeah." Jensen said and they had a quick kiss and drove back to Jared's apartment.

By the time they got to the door, they were kissing and touching and feeling each other while Jared fumbled to get the door open and then they were inside.

Jared struggled with his jeans, trying to feel Jensen but get them off at the same time, so Jensen helped him before they got his off. Jared was eager to get Jensen's shirt off, pulling it over his head and then desperate to feel his lips on him again. Jensen was sucking and kissing and biting at Jared's neck, making him moan and pull at Jensen's hair for more. Jensen wanted more of Jared's skin to kiss at, so he pulled off Jared's shirt in one quick motion and went to leave his marks on Jared's chest.

Jared loved it all, the feeling of Jensen's mouth on him but also felt like he wasn't going anything to pleasure him. So he flipped Jensen on his back and started to do what they never got to finish the night before. Jared started to grind his ass into Jensen's lap, their erections making friction against each other. Jensen closed his eyes and bit his lip, letting Jared do everything for a moment before places his hands on Jared's hips, grinding himself into Jared even more. They both moaned and wanted more. Jared had moved for a second to let Jensen sit up, so they were able to share their shaky breath together.

Jared kissed at Jensen's collarbones and sucked on them and left marks knowing Jensen wasn't his at all but right now, it felt like it.

Jensen clashed his mouth roughly with Jared's while he cupped his ass with his hands, wanted more of him; Wanted all of him. He dragged his hands over Jared's hips and let his fingers linger by the waistband of Jared's boxer-briefs until his slipped them inside and took Jared's length in his hand, which made Jared kind of jump, but then made him hump into Jensen's hand. 

Jensen pulled Jared's boxer-briefs off and wrapped his hand around Jared's boner.

"Fuck," Jared moaned as he threw his head back.

Jensen let him go and removed his boxer-briefs in a swift motion, wanting to be inside of Jared desperately. He smiled into Jared's skin. "I want you. I wanna be inside you," Jensen breathed into his neck.

Jared nodded, wanting it just as badly. 

Jensen climbed over him and grabbed a condom, opened it, and smiled when Jared helped him put it on. 

And then they were facing each other and Jensen was entering him when Jared felt sick. He started questioning what he wanted from Jensen and got confused because he did want to be serious with Jensen but most of all he wanted Jensen off of him right the hell now. "Get off." He said weakly, and then when Jensen only looked at him weirdly, he shoved him off. "I said get off." He got off the bed and put his underwear back on and then his pants and he just sat there while Jensen got dressed too. "Sorry." Jensen said and sat next to him, making Jared practically jump off the bed.

"I really, really want you. I mean, I want everything. I want this. I want sex and kisses and just- this. But I want you, too. I want to be the reason your eyes crinkle when you laugh. I want to be able to kiss your freckles in the morning and make you breakfast. I want to visit you at work and take care of you while you're sick. I don't not want us to mean something. I want- I want an us."

Jensen studied him for a minute. Tried not to smile at all the beauty marks on his face. The one he especially loved by his nose. His nose. God, Jensen loved his nose. He loved the way he swung their hands, walking into the house. He loved his smile. He liked Jared so much, so then, what the hell? "We should be friends." He didn't want to be hurt. Besides it wouldn't work. It never does.

"If you honestly mean that, Jensen, then leave and come back tomorrow as my friend. I don't mind that. Being your friend. But if you want what I want, even just a little bit- Jensen, stay. Please." Jared sounded loving and caring and Jensen closed his eyes as he got up. He opened them and then he walked to the door, wanting to badly to look back. Wanting to see that face that was his to claim for a few more moments. Instead, he opened the door and closed it behind him as he went out. 


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm so confused-- what the hell, Jensen?" Osric paced around the room, glancing at Jensen every few minutes. "So then, you're just going to go over there right now and play it off as his friend?" 

"I'm gonna try, yeah." Jensen rubbed his eyes and then looked at Osric who was now sitting down. "I like him. I really fucking like him. Okay? But shit like this never works out. Never. I don't want to hurt him in the long run. Look, if we ever got closer as- whatever we were, and I hurt him in some way, I could never forgive myself. He is so good and so pure with everything he does and who he is and I just..." his voice trailed off.

"Alright, I get it." Osric shrugged, walked over to Jensen and patted his back. "Okay. Okay. Well, you know, good luck." 

 

* * *

 

So, Jensen could do this. Right? I mean, sure, he wanted to touch Jared all over his body all of the time, but he could do this.

Jensen took the elevator to Jared's room twice, debating whether he should even be here or not. So he walked to Jared's door and stood by it. For six minutes, he just looked at the door on the opposite side. "Fuck." He sighed and slid his back down the wall. 

He started to panic when he heard the door knob twist and then out came Jared. "Jensen? Um, come in. If you want."

_Fuck, fuck, fuck. So maybe I can't do this. I'm gonna turn around. I'm gonna leave. Just walk out._ Except Jensen's feet only took him to the couch to sit down with Jared. "About last night-" Jensen started, his eyes fixed on the sunset outside the window. 

"Jensen, no. You left. You're here as-- we're together here as friends. Last night never happened. You don't want that, and that's okay. You don't have to say anything."

Jensen sighed and his stomach dropped and he suddenly felt like he was going to be sick. "Okay."

Jared smiled and Jensen forced one back. "So, hey. Dani found out about Gen and Julie. She forgave them both but she wants to go partying next week so I'm going with her. I was wondering if you wanted to go?"

"Okay."

"Great. We can hang out today if you want, though. Maybe we can get dinner at this great diner a couple miles away."

Jensen nodded his head. "Yeah, sure. It's 7:30, already. Maybe we should get going." 

"Yeah, I just-" Jared stood up, making Jensen bite his lip because he wanted to pull him back down onto his lap. "-gotta shower."

"Shower?" Jensen said, as if he never heard the word before.

Jared gave a soft smile but raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, Jen, shower."

"Right. Cool. Shower. Ha, yeah, showering. How's your water pressure?"  _JESUS CHRIST._

"It's-- it's good. I'd show you, but, y'know." Jared shrugged and laughed, walking to his bathroom.

Once the door was closed and Jensen heard the shower run, he got up and looked around. There were pictures of his family, pictures of his friends, and even pictures with some dogs. Jensen smiled. So this was Jared. 31 year old, hot ass, dog-lover. Okay, Jensen could totally do this. Jensen started to think of him as a little brother. Started wanting to imagine him ruffling his hair or tossing around a football. Little brother. He could do this. "Game on." Jensen said with ease. If this was a game, he was going to win.

Or he thought so until Jared walked out with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. "Forgot something, sorry." He gave a shy smile towards Jensen's way but his eyes stayed on the ground. He grabbed a bar of soap from under his kitchen sink and started walking back to the bathroom.

"For fucks sake, fuck me." Jensen said with an exasperated sigh.

"You say somethin'?" Jared turned back to him, fierceness in his eyes.

"Huh? What? Yeah, no, I just said I use that soap, too." Jensen answered without looking back.

Jared let out a small, low chuckle and returned to his shower. Jensen felt blood rush to his cock and so he started to read a Men's Fitness magazine Jared had lying around. After a few minutes, it went away. By then, though, he had started thinking about the first night he and Jared met. Jared was so beautiful that night. He'd never seen such loyalty and beauty in another person's eyes before. He wanted Jared forever, and it had only been after a few hours. He liked Jared. Seen him in the stars and thought about him when he felt the wind in his hair. Jensen wanted to believe he'd get to see Jared look at him again like he had that night. He looked at Jensen like the beauty would never end. Jensen felt a mix of emotions all at once. Regret, misery, conflict, sickness, and love. He acted on none. Not then.

"Jensen? You okay?" Jared said when he walked over, fully dressed. He cleaned up well, Jensen decided. 

"Yeah, but can we go back to my apartment really quick? I don't look nearly as good as you." Jensen said, and then got flushed. "Sorry." He mumbled.

Jared flicked his eyes from Jensen's to the door and then quickly turned to it. "Let's go, yeah." Jared said and opened the door. He followed Jensen out and locked the door behind him, feeling a sudden anxiousness. The one you get before or date or if you're wondering whether or not someone's going to kiss you. He turned quickly around to Jensen who was staring at the ceiling above them and his hands reached up to grab his face but Jensen turned around and started walking to the elevator before they reached his face. Jared licked his bottom lip and then chewed on it, following Jensen. "What are you gonna wear?" He asked. Jensen glanced at him and then back at the doors. 

"This greenish-brownish flannel, kinda like yours. I guess I can wear these jeans since you have those black ones on and these are like-- jeans-- and some boots I have." Jensen rambled on and then gulped hard enough for Jared to notice. 

"We're gonna match." Jared said, almost too excitedly. 

"Unless it brothers you." Jensen said, sounding apolgetic.

"No, Jen, it's fine. It'll be cool." Jared gave a gentle smile, making Jensen stare at the floor. Jensen was already nervous enough but now he felt like this was a date and he didn't know if Jared meant for it to intentionally feel this way. He didn't know if he should grab Jared's hand or kiss him at the end of the night and then he started to think he shouldn't do anything unless he got the sign. If you're wondering what the sign is, it's really just something dumb Matt and Osric noticed Jared does when he wants someone to kiss him. He'll rest his hands by his sides, turn his head to the side as if you were telling a really interesting story, lick his lips, let his eyes go from your lips to your eyes to your lips to your eyes, and bow his head a little. Jensen thought it was kind of dumb, but decided it was probably his only hope. They walked up the stairs because the elevator was being fixed and got to Jensen's door all while Jensen was being distracted on what to do. "I remember the first time I came here." Jared smirked. "Well, almost came."

Jensen looked back at him with a desperate look on his face. "Yeah, dork. You sprawled yourself out on my bed. You didn't even have a shirt on, what did you expect me to do? Ignore you?" Jensen asked, pulling his t-shirt over his head, leaving Jared to stare at the small little freckles on his back that he was close enough to notice. 

Jared licked his lips. "Kinda, yeah. Which is why I left. Couldn't come on our first date."

"I still can't believe you walked here for my number."

"Eh, I live pretty close." Jared smiled, wanting to kiss trails down Jensen's spine. He was fascinated with the way the bones in his back moved as he looked for the things he planned on wearing. "So, hey, you got the tour of my house. 'm I gonna get one here? I really only got to see your bed."

"You can see that any time you want. Plus, we'll have time for that later, we can come back here." Jensen said, feeling suddenly more confident. He noticed the way Jared looked at him, and felt reluctant to put his shirt on, but did anyway. Followed by his brown boots and then he was touching Jared's waist, shoving him down the hall way, complaining he didn't walk fast enough.

"That tickles-- Je-- I swear--" Jared was giggling and squirming in the middle of the hallway, barely able to get anywords out. Jensen had his fingers in every ticklish spot that he could get to. After 15 seconds, Jared grabbed Jensen by the waist and pinned him up against the opposite wall, breathing heavily against Jensen's neck. Jensen still had a big grin on his face while he closed his eyes and rested the back of his head on the wall, feeling one of Jared's hand tight on his waist and the other on his chest. Jensen felt Jared move his fingers from Jensen's waist to under his shirt and rested them upon his bare skin. He let his smile disappear when he realized Jared was removing his hands. "I'm gonna get you back so bad." Jared had a smile on his face and Jensen returned one to him as they walked down the stairs again.

They walked to the diner within 15 to 20 minutes and sat at the back table near the window. Jensen sat on one side and Jared, the other. They glanced at each other and gave shy smiles when the gaze was caught for too long before they looked back out at the window. There was greenery all around. Jensen loved it.

Finally a waitress came over. A real pretty blonde girl with green eyes the size of baby moons. Her smile made Jensen and Jared smile, too. "What can I get for you two love-birds?"

Jensen blushed and Jared chuckled but didn't object. "Uh, I'll have a burger with everything and a side of fries, thank you." He smiled.

"Can do. And for you?" She looked towards Jensen.

"I'll have the same, thanks." He shot her a tooth-y smile and looked back at Jared when she left. "You look like you're thinking an awful lot."

"I will have you know that I am." Jared stated, smiling back at Jensen, holding his gaze.

"What are you thinking about?" Jensen leaned forward on the table, holding his head in his hand.

"Mars." He said when the pretty waitress girl set down their food. 

"The mass of Mars is 641,693,000,000,000 billion kg." She smiled at Jared. Jared looked up at her with wide eyes. "Sorry, I studied astronomy in college."

"Don't be sorry. I love astronomy. Almost majored in it, but I ended up going into journalism, realized i was a shitty writer, and somehow ended up working in a book store." Jared laughed with the girl. Jensen suddenly felt jealous and wanted her to go do her job or something. "Uh, sorry, can I get your name?"

"Katie." She smiled widely. "And you are?"

"Jared. This," He directed his hand in Jensen's way without taking his eyes off of her. "Is my friend, Jensen."

"Nice to meet you, both. I have to go help a customer. Um, Jared, I get off at 9:30... if you were wondering."

"Great. Yeah, I'll get your number before I leave." He smiled as she walked off and turned back to Jensen who was trying not to look hurt or pissed off. "Looks like I have to take a raincheck for that tour of your place."

Jensen felt hot and uncomfortable and he just wanted to get home and go to sleep. "It's cool. Look I'm gonna go, I have shit to write at home. Um, call me. Tell me how it goes with her."

"J-"

"We still on for next week? Yeah, okay. I'll--"

"Jensen."

"Jay, look, I'm not gonna talk about this. I'll see you tomorrow-- or something." Jensen got up, threw a twenty dollar bill on the table, and stormed out. He walked passed neon lights and people in small sweaters to get away from summer's night breeze, he passed kids and teenagers, he passed cars going the same and opposite way of him, and finally he found himself sitting on the doorstep outside of the loft apartments. He dry heaved twice and then rested his head against the wooden door that said " _In_ " so people wouldn't hit him if they were on their way out. He wanted to go back to Jared's loft that night he asked him for more, he wanted to say yes. This is what it felt like to live in a house with no home. Without Jared and their forever, his ribcages became a grave and he felt greenery growing around his lungs, carving His name into Jensen's heart. Suddenly he wanted to hear beautiful music, he wanted to feel his heart race and hear his breath get heavy, he wanted to read beautiful writing, and go to museums. And he wanted to do it all with Jared. Maybe if Jared knew how he felt, he'd let it all go. Let him start over.

Before he knew it, he was running. He was running passed neon lights and those people wearing thin sweaters, he ran passed kids and teenagers, he ran passed cars going the same opposite way of him and then he was there and Jared was still sitting in that booth and still looking out that same window, except she was now sitting across from him. Probably because there were no new customers coming in. He could still go in. He could still tell Jared how he felt. He could still kiss him in the way he had been wanting to. Except he remembered the look. That look Jared gave Jensen on their first night together. He was looking at her with that same look. The only thing different was that Jared's eyes didn't have the same light from the moon in them. So he decided she'd let her get to know him. Let her look at him like that, too. Let them talk about Mars. He'd listen to beautiful music by himself and he'd feel his heart race and his breath get heavy and he'd look at art, and maybe he'd feel okay without a home. Maybe he'd find a new one. This all happened to him so suddenly, and now it's being taken away.

So, he walked home for the second time. He was tired but wanted to feel the chill of the cold on his skin, so he slept with the window open. He looked at the moon from his bed and felt the whitepurpleness on his skin, wrapping around his bones and shushing his words. He fell asleep in love with whoever named the stars 'the stars' because he could see people he loved and missed and cared about in them and they were as bright as ever. He was as bright as ever.

* * *

Two weeks later, he felt good when he woke up.

Jensen was a writer. He was a great writer who loved words and meanings and he thought everything could be written about beautifully if someone tried. He awoke with the sun drawing loops on his skin and running hands through his hair. He was in a pool of warmth and sunshine and was afraid he'd never leave. But eventually he did and he made himself breakfast and sat on his couch, hearing the bright and beautiful Maryland outside of his window. It was 9am and people were already alive as ever. He liked that Maryland was usually cloudy and very green, yet had a gloom to it with neon lights and smokers. But it was all very beautiful and alive. If you talked to the trees, they'd talk back with some help from the wind. If you thanked the sidewalks, they'd welcome you back. If you were kind to the buildings, they were kind to you. Jensen's favorite thing, though, was that if you admired the plants and the flowers, they'd admire you right back. It was a lovely, horrifying place. He loved it here. He loved the people here. The ones he did and didn't know. He loved Jared. And he wasn't sad about loving Him anymore. It was a nice, warm thing to feel. Even if the feeling wasn't being returned. 

His phone rang after he got mesmerized in the heat of the sun once again, and he got up with a sappy voice to answer it. "Hello?"

"Jensen?" Jared's voice came through.

"Jay, what's up?"

"Can I come over?" Jared sounded sleepy but excited.

"Yeah, I'll leave the door open. I'm just getting super sleepy because of the sun."

"Alright, I'll be there right now." they said goodbye and hung up. Jensen didn't know if he should get ready or stay in bed in his sweatpants. He was deciding when he fell asleep.

"Mmm-"

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO SLEEP."

Jensen opened his eyes to Jared throttling him and shaking his shoulders. "I'm up."

"Right, of course you are. Good morning, sleepy head! Do you always sleep with like, no clothes on?"

"Usually," Jensen rubbed a hand over his eyes. "You gonna get off me?" He laughed.

"I guess." He rolled off and laid next to Jensen in the sun coming through the window. "I have exciting news."

"Do you?" Jensen grinned with his eyes shut, knowing Jared was probably going to punch him for being sarcastic- there it was, right in the arm.

"Yeah, I do, dork. WAKE UP." Jared whined.

'I ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-"

"I get it! Alright. So, you're a writer. I work in a book shop. My boss has her own company. She could totally publish your book! I showed her some of your work and she loves it. She freakin' loves you. Her name's Samantha. She wants to meet you tomorrow."

"No."

"Gre- wait, no?"

"No. I like what I do now and I like writing for myself. No. I mean, thanks, Jared, but no."

"Will you at least come meet her." Jared asked, sounding more like a statement rather than a question.

"If it'll shut you up." 

"Then it's settled."

"Danneel wants to finally go out next week. Even though she cancelled on us a couple times."

"Since when do you call her Danneel?" 

Jensen opened his eyes and shrugged. "How's Katie?" He closed his eyes again, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"She's good. I wanna introduce her to the group tomorrow night. It'll be the night your friend Ty or whatever comes over, right?"

"Yeah. So things are getting pretty serious between you two?" He opened his eyes again and looked over towards Jared.

He covered his eyes with his hand. "I like her. She's great. I just-- I don't know. She's not the i'd-drop-everything-and-stop-you-from-getting-on-the-plane type of person I've always dreamt about. I may be a sucker for green eyes, but I'm a bigger sucker for people who make their love into poetry without words. 

"And that makes me feel really shitty." 

"Hey," Jensen rolled on his side, facing Jared. "Don't feel shitty about being who you are. I think that's beautiful."

Jared uncovered his face and turned his head to look at Jensen. "I just want to feel whole." He had tears in his eyes and his face was a sadness Jensen had never seen before. "I want--"

Seeing Jared's lip quiver, looking at his nose and his eyes turn red, and seeing tears fill in his eyes was all too much for Jensen. He grabbed Jared by his shirt and pulled him into his chest, wrapping his arms around him like if he didn't, he'd float away. "Don't. It's okay, it's okay. You're fine." He held him close while Jared sobbed into his shirt and they laid there like that for a while. Jensen never would have thought Jared wanted anything like that. He never expected to ever see this happy-go-lucky guy cry like this. But he held him as if he did. He held him like it was a routine. He held him like he was his.

"Hey, Jen," Jared finally spoke up after countless sniffles and yawns. "Why'd you leave that day?"

Jensen felt himself tense up but soon relaxed again under Jared's fingers. Jensen sighed and reached up and started to play with Jared's hair. "It's a long story."

"I have time," Jared said with a yawn. Jensen watched him close his eyes slowly and reluctantly and waited until his breath became steady and soft so he could sit up in bed. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and rested his head in his hands. So now Jared was sleeping in his bed and he would probably still want answers when he woke up. He got up from the bed and walked to his desk. He sat down, grateful to be out of the sun for a while. He opened his laptop and went online. He wasn't really sure what he was doing on there, but he wanted to find something. He felt his eyelids get heavy as he stared at the screen. He wanted to lie down with Jared but decided that'd be taking advantage of him. He typed 'grey' into Google.

"Grey or gray is an intermediate color between black and white. Grey is a neutral or achromatic color, meaning literally that it is a color "without color." It is the color of a cloud-covered sky, of ash and of lead." Grey was not a color. Grey was a feeling.

Jensen looked back at Jared, who was now laying on his stomach on facing the opposite way, and felt suddenly grey. He liked that. He was grey. He felt neutral. 

Jensen closed his laptop and walked back to his fridge. He then decided he wasn't hungry. He walked to his bed and sat awkwardly at the corner, waiting for Jared to wake up or see him or something.

And 20 minutes later, he did. "Jen? When did I fall asleep? And why are you sitting there? You could've laid down." Jared was propped himself up on his elbows.

"I know, I just-- I felt like you wouldn't have wanted me to."

"Well, now you know that I do. I'm gonna get going. Probably gonna sleep. Talk to you later?" Jared looked at Jensen before slipping out the door without getting an answer.

_"Talk to you later?" Fucking idiot._ Jared said to myself as he went down the stairs. He practically jogged home and threw himself on his bed when he was front of it. He never even got Jensen to answer him. All Jared wanted to do that whole time was kiss Jensen but Jensen always seemed like he wanted to make it very, very, very clear that he just wanted to be friends. As great as friends are, he needed more from Jensen and felt like he wasn't ever going to get it. 

* * *

 The next day, Jared stood behind the counter at work, his phone in hand. He wanted to text Jensen. So after a while, he did.

_"_ **JP** : _C U later 2night?_

**JA:** _Why?_ _  
_

**JP:**   _Dinner w/ my boss, remember? + I want 2 C U._ _  
_

**JA:**   _Right... Again, why?_ _U ran out yesterday._

**JP:**   _So did U a couple weeks ago._

**JA:**   _That was different._

**JP:** _Us wanting more is the same and U know it._

**JA:** _Customer. Gotta go. Maybe I can give U that house tour if U can pick me up. C U around 7?_

**JP:** _Sounds good."_ _  
_

Jared smiled to himself. He knew Jensen said they should be friends, but he knew the way he looked at him. He knew the way Jensen let him touch him with the burning tips of his fingers. He knew what he felt. More importantly, he knew Jensen felt it, too.

* * *

It was 6:49, Jared would be here any minute, and Jensen still couldn't decide what to wear. He knew he should look nice but not too dressy because he wasn't trying to impress Jared's boss. But he was sort of trying to impress Jared. So he went with a grey, knitted, pull-over thing and some fitted black jeans. Jared had complimented on both items. Jensen smiled to himself and covered his face like someone who he didn't want to see was watching. He tried to look as casual as possible on his laptop because he told Jared he'd leave the door open for him, but ended up looking very distressed about looking relaxed when Jared came in.

Jared smirked and shifted his weight, looking at Jensen, making the check-out more than obvious. "Jensen, if you're trying to get me into bed, beer would've worked just as much."

"What? Shut up. Let's go. Shut up." Jensen crossed his arms over his chest and got up. He followed Jared out and grinned as soon as he was sure he was out of Jared's sight. 

 

 

***

 

"Hi, you must be Jared's boss, Samantha." Jensen smiled as he shook the lady's hand.

"Yeah, hi. Jared was right, you sure are handsome." She smiled widely. Jensen felt his face get warm and he knew he was blushing which made him blush even harder.

"So, Jensen, tell me, what are your favorite subjects to write about?"

"Um, lately," Jensen cleared his throat and tried not to glance at Jared as much as he was. "Love. But usually things like bodies and the way sunshine looks on concrete or the way moonlight makes a person look entirely different. Um, stuff, uh, like that, yeah." 

Jared was beaming and it was so obvious that Jensen wanted to burst out laughing. "He's great, isn't he?"

"He is. Consider yourself lucky, Jared." Samantha smiled before she took a sip of water.

"Wait, why?" Jared said without thinking.

"Well you two are... right?" 

"No, no, I have a girlfriend." Jared said. He didn't know if Samantha was accepting or not so he decided to say they were friends. There was a better chance of not ruinging anything. 

Except, in Jensen's case, it ruined  _everything_.

He felt his throat close up and he wanted to throw up everything he had eaten. He thought Jared had said the wanting was mutual. He flirted, he wanted to see Jensen, he said everything pointing in the direction of 'I want you' so what the hell? He looked at Jared with uneasiness and removed himself from the conversation altogether. He wanted to leave but either smiled or nodded when Samantha said anything to him. When Jared spoke to him, he shrugged it off or ignored him thoroughly. It seemed like Jared was doing this every other day and he decided he'd do it right back. 

When the dinner was finally over and he politely declined Samantha's offer, he was ready to make Jared want him. He wanted to put Jared through hell just like Jared was doing to him.

While they were walking to Jared's car, Jensen grabbed him by his shirt collar and roughly pushed him against the wall of the now-closed restaurant.

Jensen had him pinned against the wall and started to kiss and suck at Jared's neck, making Jared's breath uneven and heavy, but he thrust himself into Jensen's every touch. Jensen slid a hand down Jared's side until he got to his hip and rested it on his bare skin, underneath his shirt. He felt Jared's hand pushing on his, begging him for more without words. Jensen slid his hand into Jared's pants, cupping his erection and fingering at it through his boxer briefs, making Jared moan in pleasure. His other hand found it's way to Jared's ass and he gripped it, feeling Jared push himself into Jensen's other hand in his pants.

And then it was over. Jensen pulled his hands away all at once and kissed Jared's mouth lightly. "I need a cigarette. How 'bout you? Want one?" 

Jared kind of stared at him but then quickly said yes. They smoked in silence, backs against the damp wall. It was cloudy out tonight but it wasn't all that cold. Jensen finished his first and waited for Jared to flick his on the ground before they started walking back to his car. "Can't wait to get home." Jared shot a glance at Jensen.

"Yeah, me, too. I need to shower and to make things worse, I have to be up early for my shift tomorrow morning. And it's already 11. How in the hell is it already 11?"

Jared started the car and began to look extremely frustrated. "So, we gonna make this up as we go along, or what?"

Jensen turned to him. "What do you mean?"

"That-- I mean, what was that?" Jared licked his lips furiously. "You fucking do shit like this and then you completely draw yourself back from all of it. I mean, all of a sudden you want to go home?"

"Look, I'm sorry. You just looked really nice tonight and you were super sweet and everything but then I remembered, 'holy shit, hey, this asshole has a girlfriend.' I realized that when I first pushed you against the wall, I just waited for you to stop me."

"So it's my fault?"

"Hey, we're not playing the blame game. I just want to go home."

"Okay, yeah, sorry." Jared sighed and started to drive towards Jensen's place. They drove in silence and Jensen didn't know how to say bye so he sat in the car for an extra five minutes.

"So, goodnight. And I'm sorry about all this." Jensen shrugged.

"Hey, no worries. We're friends, no worries. See you next week?"

Jensen got off the car and bended over slightly so he could still see Jared. "See you next week."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there was a lot of angst-y, frustrating, annoying things in the last chapter and some more in this one, but just try and bare with me through it. I've been having the worst writers block, but I have an idea about where the story is going now, so if you're willing to stick around, I wanna say thanks :) hope you enjoyed & I hope you'll enjoy the next chapters I'm going to be putting up.


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

A whole fucking month of delayed dinners had went by with Jared going back and forth between Jensen and Katie. One night he was making out with Jensen in bed and the other he was taking Katie on a date. Jensen was fine with it; the whole friends-with-benefits. Sure, he loved Jared, but this was better than nothing. They hadn't gone farther than blow-jobs or hand-jobs because Jared wasn't sure on what he was going to do, but still. Jensen loved knowing what Jared looked like when he made him come, he loved the way he smelled after begging Jensen to touch him, he loved this dumb tall guy who couldn't make up his mind, but the best thing was, Jared told him he loved him, too. They were good together and they knew it, the thing was, Jared really liked Katie, too. She really made him happy and that was his whole problem with all of this. He loved feeling Jensen and knowing Jensen and he loved sleeping in Jensen's bed with Jensen but he didn't want to hurt Katie.

"Okay, but Jared, I'm like, really nervous." Katie gently tugged on Jared's sleeve.

"Hey, don't be. They're going to love you." His smile reassured her as they walked up the steps and knocked on the door.

A grinning Genevieve opened it. Jared expected Matt or Amy because this was their house, where they always had dinners like this. "Hi! Jared, did you seriously not bring wine like I asked you to?" 

"Shit." Jared started to laugh when Gen gave him a dirty look and left into the kitchen so Gen and Katie could meet.

"I would've brought something, I just didn't know if-"

"Oh, no, don't worry about it! Jared usually forgets so we bring extras just in case. It's just a dinner and you're one of the guests, so no worries. By the way, I'm Genevieve. People usually call me Gen or just Genevieve. You can call me either. You're Kate, right?"

"Uh, no, I'm- I'm Katie." She smiled.

"Sorry. I suck with names. But I'm great with faces. Anyways, let's go meet everyone, shall we?"

"Sure." Katie tried to smile as politely as she could but couldn't really hide the fact that she was uncomfortable. She didn't even want to be here and missed her shift at work to go. And to make matters worse, Jared had disappeared. She followed Genevieve into the dining room/kitchen to see 7 faces she'd never seen before. They were all smiling and laughing and Genevieve went to the table like she'd completely forgot about Katie. But then she turned around and started to introduce everyone.

"Alright, guys. Listen up. Misha, stop kissing Osric and look up for like 30 seconds. Okay, everyone, this is Katie. Jared's girlfriend... where is Jared? Okay, anyways, um, Katie, that's Osric and Misha. They're together. Over there is Matt and Amy and they're married. This right here is my girlfriend, Danneel. Right over there is Julie. And sitting there at the end is Ty. Now, I don't know where Jensen is but Jared told me you've met already."

"Yeah, at the diner I work at. Uh, nice to meet you all." She said quickly and turned back around only to bump into Jensen. 

"Katie, right, you're here." Jensen looked down at her and quickly turned around to grab Jared by the shirt and pull him into the kitchen. 

"Oh, hey, Katie." Jared smiled at her like he wasn't just in the bathroom making out with Jensen.

This was all so complicated. Especially since all their friends knew about this. Dani hadn't approved at all, but everyone else told Jensen to just kiss in front of Katie at dinner. He wasn't the type of person to rub cheating in another person's face, though. 

In the restroom, after the stuff that had happened, Jensen told Jared upfront, that he wasn't going to do this anymore, and that was it. He didn't like seeing Katie and knowing she didn't know. She didn't even know that they'd dated before and Jensen felt dirty every time she looked at him.

"Hey, Ty." He sat down next to his best friend. "How ya doing??"

"I'm good, man. What about you? How's Mr. Tall-boy over there?"

"I'm actually not so good and I need a beer." Jensen sighed and reached over to get one he'd opened earlier. He took a drink and grimaced. It was no longer cold. "I told you about the fling and whatever, right? Well, I just put an end to it and I feel really shitty because he didn't even protest."

"Well, that's his loss. You'll find someone else."

"No, that's the thing, I won't. After... you know... I just kind of gave up in the love-department. I didn't think I'd find anyone else. Then I got told about this great guy named Jared and I meet him and he's great and I like him a lot, but I knew if anything ever happened between us and it ended badly, I couldn't forgive myself. And yet, here we are. That's it, man. I'm out of the game forever."

"Ah, don't say that." Misha piped up, because he'd apparently been listening the whole time. "We're all going to that new club later, you should come."

Jensen shrugged. "I guess." 

Misha grinned and turned back around. Jensen finally sat up and started listening to the conversation that was taking place at the table. He barely realized he had been served a plate of food. "Oh yeah, her boobs are great." Dani started to laugh and Jensen was amused at the fact that they were talking about Julie.

"Hey, guys, c'mon, don't objectify her!" Jensen protested with a grin.

Julie started to laugh along with everyone else and then they quieted down and Jensen tuned out because they were asking Katie questions. He remembered being Jared's boyfriend at this table when everyone was asking him stuff like that. 

* * *

"Literally, no." Misha practically screamed at the guy grinding on him. Eventually Osric saved him.

Jensen laughed at the entire thing until Jared came up to him. "Hey,"

"Hey." Jensen smiled drunkenly. Everyone was drunk and they really should've thought about how they were going to get home after this. "Where's Katie?"

"Went to smoke. Wanna dance?" Jared's face was close to his now and Jensen could feel his warm breath on his neck.

"What the hell," Jensen said before walking, not even caring if Jared followed him or not. But then he felt Jared's hands on his hips, pulling Jensen into him. His breath was suddenly heavier and he felt alive and extraordinary and this was wrong but it felt right against Jared like that. He rocked his hips back into Jared's, feeling himself get hard under his jeans. When he turned around to face Jared, he noticed Jared was already hard and he pushed himself into him and his hand was over his erection, making Jared gasp and then they were rushing to the public restroom when Katie stopped them.

"Hey, Jared, can I steal you for a second?"

"Um, Jensen?" Jared looked over him.

"Yeah, I was just on my way out." Jensen said before he swiftly went around people in order to get away through the back before Jared could do anything. He felt hands all over him as he walked but did his best to push them off before he felt someone wrap their arms around his chest. And then he was being pushed outside. "WHAT THE FUCK?" He tried to move but couldn't until the grip wasn't so tight, and then he pushed himself away and turned around only to see Jared. "WHAT THE FUCK?" He repeated.

"Calm down, Jen-"

"No, Jared, what the fuck?! You can't just do that! You can't keep doing that when I tell you to stop! You can't." Jensen said what he said, but it wasn't over what Jared had just done. It was about everything. It was about the fact that Jared keeps pulling him back into this friends-with-benefits bullshit and when he wanted out, Jared wouldn't let him go. Literally  _and_ metaphorically.

"I get it, I'm sorry. I'm taking Katie home now." Jared's voice seemed excited.

"...and you're telling me, because?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over after I do."

"What the  _fuck_ is wrong with you?" Jensen glared at Jared until Jared retreated back inside with a hurt look on his face.

The thing was, Jared didn't deserve to have that sad look on his face. Jensen deserved to and only when he realized so, he did. He backed up against the wall and slid down it. This wasn't fucking fair. It wasn't fair that he was in love with some asshole who wasn't in love with him back. It wasn't fair that Jared was the one who wanted all of this shit and now suddenly couldn't care less. It wasn't fair that Jared had met someone else when he already had Jensen. It wasn't fair.

* * *

"Yeah, but have you ever heard of The Shins?" Matt asked.

"Their music doesn't really appeal to gay people." Osric answered.

"I'm gay. Like, super duper gay. I love The Shins." Dani grinned.

"What about Grouplove?" Genevieve asked.

"EW." Jensen said when he sat down.

"I have no idea about any of these bands you're talking about." Ty laughed before he shoved a chip in his mouth.

"Alright, The Lumineers." Julie smirked, knowing that suggesting that band was technically cheating. She knew everyone loved them.

"FOUL!" Amy, Misha, and Jensen screamed in her way.

"That's not even fair, fuck y'all, I'm gonna get myself a beer." She put her hands behind her back and flipped everyone off while she walked into kitchen.

"Poor sport!" Matt yelled.

"Good Old War?" Dani suggested.

"I've heard like one song and it made me think of men making out. So, totally." Jensen grinned.

"Pervert." Dani threw a throw pillow in his way.

"More like visualizer," Amy came to his defense.

"Shut up, all of you." Julie smiled when she sat down. "Alright, Jensen is in the lead with Danneel right behind. In third is myself tied with Ty, and Matt and Amy in fourth because they're lame and playing as a couple. And then Osric behind them, Misha behind him, and Genevieve with 0 because she likes nothing we like. Go."

"Goyte." Danneel looked around.

"They have like 2 good songs and one's off of the Going The Distance soundtrack. C'mon." Misha grimaced.

"Fine, then you come up with a band everyone loves!" 

"Hey, wait, what about The Head and the Heart?"

Jensen got 4 yes' and so he won, which meant the person who came in second had to bring the booze at the next dinner.

 

 

 

***

 

"Hey, Jensen," Danneel said when she walked up next to him at the counter.

"What's up, beautiful?"

"I was just wondering where Jared's been." Danneel looked at him with apologetic eyes. She knew how hard all this was on Jensen. Danneel was beautiful. The kind of girl that made you forget about the boy you were in love with and everyone else in the world. If they weren't both in love with other people, Jensen was sure he'd kiss her right then and there. "I know they've been trying to call him, but I guess he's not returning anyone's messages."

"I don't know, probably busy with work and Katie or something." Jensen said as he watched her boost herself up onto the counter. "Why?"

"Well, I don't know. I seen what happened in the club last week. Just wanted to know if you were okay."

Jensen took in a long breath through his nose and breathed out through his mouth. "Not really. What are you supposed to do when the boy who you're in love with is with someone else?" He looked up at her.

She sighed and looked at him for a while before getting a small smile on her face. She grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him into her. "This is what you do," She said and kissed his mouth very gently. "Then you tell him you love him and you wait for him to say it back." She gave a kind look and at first Jensen was confused and in awe with her and her mouth and her eyes but then he realized it was a friendly thing and they were too close for anything like that. So he returned the smile and pulled her off of the counter quickly before walking into the living room.

* * *

"I love you and I want to be with you and I want all of this and I just... I love you." Jensen said. 

To himself in the mirror.

He had practiced this 10 to 20 times. But who was counting? (Jensen was counting, it was closer to 20 times.)

He had called Jared a little earlier to see if it was okay to come over and he said alright. 

Jensen was completely stressing over everything. He couldn't decide on what clothes to wear or if he should bring something, whether or not to bring his phone, if he should bring flowers, and a whole bunch of other little things. Because he wanted all of this to be perfect. He couldn't lose this one. 

Alright, first things first. Clothes. He scanned through his closet a billion times before deciding he couldn't wear any of this. He wanted to look good but casual. If they were going do to something, he wanted it to be easy to get out of. But he didn't want to  _look_ easy. Why the hell is getting ready so hard? He called Misha and asked him what to wear.

"MISHA, I'm stressing out over here. I have to be there in three hours and NOTHING is going the way I need it to." Jensen was close to hyperventilating.

"Jesus Christ, calm down, man. We'll go and find some new clothes, okay? I'll be outside your place in 15." Misha said and hung out. Jensen was glad he had friends who'd drop everything to be at his side. And these were all  _new_ friends and Jensen found that so amazing, that they all accepted him so quickly.

Misha had kept his promise and was outside 15 minutes later. Jensen rushed to meet him. "Alright, so where to?"

"Well, depends. What are you looking for?" Misha started to walk to the parking garage and Jensen followed.

"I want to look good. Obviously. But casual, too. And it has to be easy to get out of, just in case. But it can't look like that's what I'm aiming for, you know what I mean?" Jensen didn't even know what he meant, so he hardly expected Misha to.

And yet, he did. "Okay, I know just the place." Misha smiled and they got into Jensen's car. 

"Where?" 

"Just go down Main and we'll get there. I'll tell you when." Misha said. Jensen followed the directions until they came to a nice little shop that he'd only been in once with Matt and Osric. "Alright, park over there."

Jensen did as told and they got off and went into the shop. "Nice. Okay, so what do you think?"

"Probably something you can roll up the sleeves with. And some new pants."

"How about something dark blue? I look nice in dark blue." Jensen smiled a little with sudden ease.

"Yeah, look at this." Misha put a dark blue button-up against Jensen. "Looks nice."

"Yeah, I like it. Now, what?"

"Pants." Misha said as they walked towards the section. 

"These look good."

"Okay, yeah, lets go."

Jensen paid for his new clothes and they rushed back to his loft. "I'm not so nervous anymore."

"Good, that's good." Misha smiled.

"I just really want this all to work out because it's been so weird the passed couple of weeks."

"What are you gonna do if it doesn't?" Misha said as he sat down.

"If it doesn't, I'll... move on." Jensen answered. Not only was he sad about that, but he felt uncomfortable thinking about so.

"You love him?" Misha looked more gentle than Jensen had ever seen before.

"Yeah, I do. I love him." Jensen stared at his hands fiddling with the seams on his new jeans. 

"Then go get him, Jensen." Misha smiled. Jensen stood up and walked to the door.

"Thanks. Let yourself out whenever," They gave small nods and then Jensen was in the elevator thinking about all the things he'd say. But first he needed flowers.

Wait, did guys like flowers? Wrong question. Did  _Jared_ like flowers? Didn't matter, right? I mean, it's the thought that counts. Right?

So he decided to go to the flower shop and ask. "Hi, can I help you?"

"Yeah, uh, do guys like flowers?" 

"Well, some guys do. Some guys don't. Just like how some girls do and other girls don't. It depends who you're shopping for."

"Right, but- Okay, he's really tall. Like, 6'4. And he likes sports and he likes to read. His favorite book is The Great Gatsby and he's getting into this show called Game Of Thrones, or something. He likes music and he likes to dance and he loves to eat, like seriously. He has a girlfriend but we kiss a lot of the time that we're together and he likes me and we dance together and he's really amazing and his favorite thing to eat are these little gummy candies that I tell him will rot his teeth but he eats them anyways and he laughs like 94% of the time. He's really nice to people and so kind to strangers and he has this white button-up shirt that looks so damn good on him and he wears it a lot for me and that's really sweet, you know? He likes the stars and he looks good in the sun, and god, he's a huge nerd. He likes taking pictures sometimes and he really loves dogs. Like, really, really, really loves dogs. And he's really opinionated in the best way. And these dimples he has, I just wanna kiss at them every time I see him smile. That smile can make anyone happier."

Jensen went on and on to this lady he didn't even know about Jared because Jared wasn't there to listen. He just loved talking about him. Little did Jensen know, Jared was on the other side of town talking to a customer about Jensen. 

"Yeah, he has a bunch of freckles going across his face and it's really the cutest thing. Every time I see him, I just wanna tackle him and try and kiss at all of them because they're just like galaxies and stars and planets going across his face and he has ones like that on his shoulders and his back and they're so tiny! And there's this movie I watch, called the Saint and it's always made me want to go to Russia, right? So he does this russian accent all the time and I know he means to be teasing me about it, but it's not in a mean way because he loves me and I love him, you know? And he's pretty tall. Definitely not taller than me, but taller than you. He's roughly around 6'1. He's tall but I love that I can kiss his forehead or his nose with ease. And his laugh. His laugh really makes you forget about all the bad things that have ever happened."

 

 

***

 When Jensen walked into Jared's apartment, his favorite song, As We Are Now by Saint Raymond, was on. He tried to hide his smile but failed miserably. 

"Can I get you something to drink?" Jared asked, he looked happy and good and that made Jensen.

"If you have any beer, yeah, thanks." Jensen was pink in his cheeks and he felt alright. He ended up coming empty-handed to Jared's loft because he wanted to lead his way up to everything. He had it all planned out. 

"Here you go," Jared smiled when he came back with a beer for Jensen. "So, about what happened a couple weeks ago... we should talk about it."

"Yeah, okay, we should. But, um, I wanna say sory for-- for what I said. I overreacted."

"No, no, Jen, you had the right to-- for all that. I was out of place and I was wrong to think someone like you would want to stick around with someone like me."

"Don't say that," Jensen suddenly sounded mad, but it was only because no one should talk bad about Jared, not even himself. "Don't say anything like that about yourself. You're amazing, Jared. I don't ever want you thinking differently. Ever. You're beautiful and kind and, Jesus Christ, look at you. You're the most amazing person I've ever met."

Jared stared at him for a while before breaking the eye-contact. "Jensen, I grabbed you that night because I broke up with Katie. I asked you to come over so I could tell you about it. And I'll be honest, I've been really messed up for the passed few weeks. I mean, I wasn't able to sleep because you hadn't called and I knew I shouldn't have called you and I'd missed everyone's calls and I felt like shit for a lot of the time and I stopped looking forward to waking up every morning because I knew I wouldn't be able to see that smile. So I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way, but I'm in love with you and everything about you. I love you, Jensen." 

And suddenly they were kissing and their teeth were clashing together and their hips were being rolled into each other. Jared was throttling Jensen and buckling himself into him and his hands were pulling at Jensen's shirt until it was off and then Jared's pants and his shirt was gone. "I love you, too," Jensen breathed into Jared's neck before his kissed at it and sucked on his skin. He wanted all of Jared in him or on him or anything that was going to get them closer.

Jensen wasn't one for foreplay but he liked feeling Jared in his boxer briefs on top of him even if he had pants on. He ran his hands down Jared's spine and was amazed at his shoulder-to-waist ratio. Jared had a tiny waist, but had one hell of an ass. And that gave him all sorts of dirty ideas.

They were kissing and rocking into each other and it was comfortable and playful but loving all at the same time. Jensen smiled against Jared's skin and Jared felt warm inside and outside. Jared reached his hand between them and played enough with Jensen's waistband to get his hand underneath. He took Jensen's lenth in his fingers and started to jerk his cock until he felt his erection get unbearable. "Fuck,"

"What?" Jensen opened his eyes.

"Need you. Need you in me." Jared panted as he pulled Jensen off the couch and they walked into his room. "Condom or no?"

"It's up to you-"

"...no, I wanna feel you. I wanna feel all of you." Jared said as he pushed Jensen onto the bed. He took off Jensen's pants and started to mouth at his cock through the outside of his underwear. He licked and kissed and drooled until he had Jensen begging.

"Holy fuck, please, please, fuck-" Jensen threw his arm over his eyes while Jared grinned from the floor. 

Jared pulled off Jensen's boxer briefs slowly until Jensen was completely naked in front of him, making his already-hard cock throb. He took in Jensen's musk and fell in love with it. He closed his mouth around the head and had Jensen moaning while he tongued at the slit. He licked around the shaft and bobbed his head up and down, slurping on Jensen's thick cock. He loved the taste of him in his mouth. Jensen was practically screaming his name as he deep-throated him and played with his balls. Jensen had just gotten the best blowjob of his life and Jared was so fucking hot, he really tried not to come. But instead, he did. Luckily, he got hard again when he realized Jared had swallowed most of it. Jared kissed Jensen and climbed onto the bed.

He laid on his back, almost ready for Jensen to fuck him. "We'll need lu-" Jared started until he felt Jensen flip him over onto his stomach. "What are you-- holy shit," Jared groaned when he felt Jensen lick at his hole. "Fuck, fuck," He repeated while Jensen lapped at him. Jensen rimmed him and then stuck a finger inside just to make sure Jared would be ready. When Jared demanded more, he was able to get two in and though his cock was thicker than that, it was a start. "Need you inside me. Get inside me."

Jensen grinned from behind him and flipped him over again. He wanted their first time to be as intimate as possible. They looked at each other while Jensen slid into Jared. Jared groaned a little from the pain, but it quickly turned into moaning from pleasure. "You feel so good, baby," Jensen said as he thrust himself into Jared. They started out with a slow pace, but picked it up. Jensen was soon slamming into Jared's ass and moaning like no one could hear him. Jared rolled his eyes back while he rolled his hips into Jensen's and kept his hands in Jensen's hair. 

"I'm gonna come," Jensen announced and Jared reached his hand down onto his cock and started stroking it. "Fuck, fuck, fuck me," Jared did as told and sped up the pace, going faster and harder and he felt himself getting closer, too. Jared came all over Jensen's hand and that made Jensen so hot, he came too.

They cleaned up eventually and laid in bed together, sharing lazy kisses and happy smiles, both falling asleep with the sun. 


	5. Chapter 5

"You two, I swear. Can't make up your fucking minds, can you?" Misha rolled his eyes but smiled a little, too. 

"We're good now, we're both on the same page."

"What about Katie?" Amy asked, giving the 'mom' look.

Jared glanced at Jensen. "We're... gonna stay friends, I think. She said she understood and everything, she said it was okay. But, you know only if Jensen's okay with it or whatever."

"As long as you two aren't, y'know, then yeah."

Matt walked into the room. "When did all my friends turn gay? Like, why wasn't I informed?"

Jared laughed. "Because we all talk about it on the internet, and we only tell our fellow gay e-buddies."

"Well, it's been three weeks since we've seen you both. Have you been together all that time?" Osric asked, making Misha smile when he rested his hand on his inner thigh.

"Well, yeah. I mean, pretty much. Just like, sex and going out to get food and then watching a movie and being happy together." Jensen shrugged.

"That's a lot of detail!" Misha exclaimed as they got up from the couch. "We'll have to miss the whole story-- we, um, have things to do. Right, babe?" 

Osric nodded and kept his sweater over his crotch. "Yeah, we gotta go, like now." Osric rushed out the door, leaving Misha with a red face. 

" _Oh_." Jensen laughed when he looked at Misha's hard-on. He covered his face and leaned into Jared, who was laughing just as hard.

"Oh, shut up! That was you guys last month." Matt rolled his eyes with a grin.

"Oh god, do you remember?" Amy laughed lightly as Misha ran out the door. "They couldn't get off of each other. If you act like that at our next dinner I will kick you out!" 

"Wait, isn't it tonight?" Jensen asked.

"Shit, yeah, I forgot." Amy got up and left the room.

"So, where's Ty?"

"He didn't say bye to you? He left last week, man. He was supposed to leave yesterday, but I guess the place he works at called him back in or something. He kind of left in a rush, so don't feel like he was avoiding you, man, I barely even caught him going out the door. He says he'll be around in a couple of months, which kind of sucks because, you know, I wish he lived closer. But, yeah, he's real busy these days. He's doing good out there, though, you know? Making something of himself. Do you remember when he told us about his plans to go to college and be someone? And no one really believed him, right? But, no, people believed in me you and look at him, now! He's the one who made it." Matt shrugged and his eyes flicked up to Jensen's.

"I remember that. Well, no, we're somebodys, too. I think," Jensen smiled softly. "We have good friends and we're all family. Just 'cause I'm not a millionaire doesn't mean I'm not somebody." Jensen shrugged and took a sip of his beer. Jared was obviously a little uncomfortable, so he got up.

"I'm gonna go see if Ame's needs help." He gave Jensen a quick peck on the lips before disappearing into the next room.

Jensen's eyes followed him until he left the room and then returned them on Matt's. "Are you happy with him now? I mean, do you think that you're both comfortable being in a long-term relationship?"

Jensen let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "Um, yeah. I mean, we talked and talked and talked about how we were either going to be something together or we weren't going to be anything at all. And we both know what we want, so I think we'll be good. I mean, I hope we will. I love him, and he loves me and we're best friends and it's been a long year for all of us and from the time I met him, I knew. I was just really scared. And then he was scared and both of us didn't want anything to do with each other and then we were best friends and it was idiotic, but we decided the way we wanted each other and that was it, you know? We love each other and that's good enough for us. Is it good enough for you?" Suddenly Jensen felt defensive, but it was only because he'd seen that look of Matt's before. The way he looked at both of them could have only been for two reasons: He didn't like them together, or he didn't like Jared at all.

Matt sighed and drank the rest of his beer. "Why am I not seeing that smile on your face?"

Jensen rolled his eyes and looked away. He clenched his jaw, because suddenly he felt like he was going to cry. He and Jared were so good now and that is all that should matter. "Matt, stop." He had this fight with Matt before, and it almost broke up the whole group. Matt liked to meddle in everyone's lives. Last time, he gave Jensen a good reason to break up with the girl he was with. She didn't treat him right, but he liked her a whole lot. He seen a family with her in the future. But Matt had broken them up because he thought Jensen could've been treated better. But Jared? How could he think that way about Jared? Jared was a sweetheart, he cared about Jensen's happiness. He knew Jensen better than anyone else in the whole world and the fact that Matt could think anything negative about Jared was enough to make him get up and leave for good.

"Jensen, man, I get it. You like him a lot and you like the way he makes you feel, sometimes. Hell, I was rooting for you two to end up together. But you know that I know what's best for you!"

"You're not my father, Matt. You're my friend. And I want to keep it that way, stop." With every word, Jensen felt anger boiling in his stomach.

"I like him, I do. I just...is he good enough for you? I mean, I know he and Amy and the rest of the group are great as friends, but if that's what's holding you to him, don't worry. We can make it so that you don't have to see him around all the time--"

"Jesus fucking Christ, stop. I love him! I love him and he makes me happy. What the hell is wrong with you?" Jensen realized he was shouting when he felt Jared's hand on his lower back and he seen Amy standing by the couch. "Sorry... sorry."

Jared had a hurt look on his face and Jensen felt terrible but Matt had a smug look on his face. Jensen knew that he only wanted what was best for him, but he punched him in the face anyways. "Jensen!" Amy screamed. " _What the hell?!"_

"Ask him! He's always doing this, Amy. And you know damn well he's ruined friendships and relationships! You know what he's trying to do! He almost broke up Gen and Danneel, I mean what the hell is his problem? He can't leave good enough alone and I'm sick of it." 

"I was giving you advice!" Matt said as his stood up. His cheek had a red mark from Jensen's fist. 

"I wasn't asking for any, Matt. You know I love you. And Amy. And the rest of our friends, but I love Jared more. So don't you dare ask me if I think he's good enough."

Amy looked at Matt. "You asked him that?"

"I haven't seen that smile he gets-"

"God, Matt." Amy left the room and that's when Jensen realized Jared was gone, too.

"I'll see you around, or something," Jensen didn't look Matt in the eye and then went outside to find Jared smoking a cigarette. He had tears in his eyes and he looked pissed off. Honestly, Jensen didn't really know what to do or what to say so he just got in the car and waited until Jared did, too. "Hey." He turned to him when he finally did.

"Do you think I'm good enough?" Jensen's chest started to hurt when he realized Jared was crying.

"Oh, God, baby. Come here," Jensen grabbed Jared's face in his hands and let their foreheads rest against each other. "You're not good enough. You're  _too_ good." He smiled a little when he seen Jared's eyes change from green to hazel. He loved that they did that. "I love you."

Jared sniffled. "I love you, too." They shared a soft kiss and lazy smiles. "But forgive him, please. He's your best friend in the world, don't ruin a friendship over something he said about me, okay? You gotta promise."

"I promise." Jensen held his hand snug and tight in his. "Don't you dare think that any of what he said is true, though, okay? There's no one I would rather let kiss me stupid than you."

"Ditto. Let's go somewhere nice, yeah? Let's go to the bar where we had out first date." Jared leaned into his seat.

"You call that nice? I mean, I'm up for it. But, it's loud in there. I rather go somewhere I can tell you about how you remind me of the stars. I want to go somewhere I can kiss you and touch you and make you smile. I wanna go somewhere I can tell you about how I want you forever."

"Okay. Let's go somewhere I can kiss the connecting galaxies that go across your back and your shoulders. Let's go somewhere I can tell you how soft those lips are. I wanna go somewhere I can make you feel good." Jared said, breathlessly. Jensen was already kissing him senseless. 

"Let's go home."


End file.
